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  • There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who can't.


  • A penguin walks into a restaurant.
    Waiter: "What do you want to drink?"
    Penguin: "A tonic please."
    After a few minutes the waiter returned with the tonic in his hand.
    Penguin: "Thank you. Hmmm, ... have you seen my father?"
    Waiter: "I guess not. How does he looks like?"


  • Diner: "Waiter!"
    Waiter: "Yes, sir?"
    Diner: "What's this?"
    Waiter: "It's bean soup, sir."
    Diner: "I don't care what's it's been. What is it now?"


  • "An archaelogist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more he is interested in her." (Agatha Christie)


  • A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

    He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"

    The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."


  • A mathematician and an engineer attend a lecture by a physicist. The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving physical processes that occur in spaces with dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The mathematician is sitting, clearly enjoying the lecture, while the engineer is frowning and looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end the engineer has a terrible headache. At the end, the mathematician comments about the wonderful lecture.

    The engineer says "How do you understand this stuff?" Mathematician: "I just visualize the process." Engineer: "How can you visualize something that occurs in 9-dimensional space?" Mathematician: "Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then let N go to 9."


  • Customer: "I'm using Windows NT."
    Technical Support: "Yes..."
    Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
    Technical Support: "Yes, you said that."


  • A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
    "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
    "Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
    "Heard of what?"
    "Herd of cows."
    "Of course I've heard of cows."
    "No, a cow herd."
    "What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

    • Current Version: April 18, 2007